warning: this is will be a vent/rant jounral so it's for a mature audience.

10/14/23 I really hate life sometimes. You know the phrase, "you never realise how good you have something untill it's taken away" I feel that in my soul right now. Quietness is something I love and the fact I hear bangs, yelling, crying, etc makes me want to bash my head on the desk. It makes me so over-stimulated, I can't take it. The only relief I get is through my headphones with music(currently listening to Megalomaniac rn lol). I deleted all of my old jounral posts too bc I didn't like them simply. But, I may vent more on here than I did last time. I'm sure no one reads this anything so It gives me comfort and still being mysterious. I feel no one really listens to me anymore. I barely talk to my irl friends thou I'm partically to blame for that because I don't make the first move to talk. I hate doing that though. I get scared that they will not even reply back to it or not been interested in it. I guess it's just how I am. I don't know how to describe it to someone who doesn't understand it. It's either you do or don't. My mind feels like it runs faster than I can speak about it so I just keep it all in. Though, I have so many urges to talk with people, I never do because I'm scared. Me being awkward also doesn't help. I guess thats all for now, I don't know what else to type really.